Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Randomize
