Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
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