Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Rumble strips road head = magical
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Randomize
