He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Randomize
