Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Randomize
