So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize