Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
