whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
