i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
this beer tastes like vomit already
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
