You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
soo... how was my night?
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