bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
