I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
