I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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