Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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