Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Randomize
