singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
