It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
