he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
