dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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