I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
