Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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