I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
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