Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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