So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
