I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize