If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
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