remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
