help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize