yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
