He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
