Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize