If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
