I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Randomize
