It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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