This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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