i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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