Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I need a beard to bite.
Randomize
