Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
