you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
You ruined the universe
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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