i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize
