i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Randomize