ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
