i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Randomize
