So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
