girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
