Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
