Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
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