the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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