And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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