atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize