fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize
