Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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