the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
