My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
