Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
