Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
