hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
