New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
