so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
