Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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