I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Pooping to opera.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
