Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I just had sex on a roof
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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