I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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