It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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