You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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