does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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