is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
