Your face is a jimmy john
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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