I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
